I'm having a difficult day today, not many things in particular are immediately wrong, but I'm just one of those moods where my face feels all droopy and sad.
I don't feel particularly trapped, or like I've hit a dead end today, neither infact do I feel all that hopeless and failure prone. I feel ugly, everyday I do, but that's purely superficial and shallow, today I feel inadequate, which you may not understand. Yes, without sounding as though I'm bragging, I have got into the three sixth forms I applied for basically just because of my good grades, and yes, I may have just ten minutes ago played guitar and piano, and read and drew, and walked and breathed and anything else I may take for granted.
But all this seems in vain when I know exactly what I unconditionally want. And as I think about this and what to type to put it into a words, a song called 'Miracle' is playing, and I'm starting to think I might need one.
About five minutes ago I was on Annika's blog, reading through her previous posts, I found one named, 'Ten reasons to adore redheads', and she had listed her ten most influential and inspirational red haired women. I haven't listened to my favourite band, Paramore properly in over two weeks; I was trying to give myself a break so I would appreciate them more when I listened again. And as I was reading through Annika's list, the song on my iTunes shuffle changed, and Hayley's voice sung in my ear again for the first time in what seemed like forever. As soppy and pathetic as this may all seem so far, it gets worse, I started to cry, and as the song got to the line 'and I'm sitting here all alone, feeling empty', I realised that's what I am, today I'm empty, tomorrow I might not be, who knows with my fluctuating emotions!
The song changed again to another Paramore song, 'For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic', and then I started to write this, how is it that a song, something you cannot touch, something not physically existing, can fill me?
And then I decided that I should write my ten most inspirational redheaded women, number 1 being, the beautiful, uplifting and seemingly endlessly positive Hayley Williams, how I love her!
Number 2, (these, like Annika's, not in any order) Lana Del Rey;
So sorry, but this is to be continued, as today is my brother's birthday, (Happy Birthday Joshy), and I do not have a time, I hope you can appreciate the first part and await eight more amazing ginger women!
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