I hate sixth form.
I hate everything about it; I hate that I have to ask permission to have a driving lesson during my free period, I hate being there an hour early in the morning, I hate waiting for the bus in the freezing cold for 15-20 minutes every night, I hate leaving in the dark and coming home in the dark, I hate how the roof leaks and the common room stinks like damp and warm food, I hate the bitch of a Textiles teacher whose room I have to walk through to get to Photography, I hate that I'm the only person in my year doing Photography and that next year I'll be the only person in the school doing it, because they aren't running the course next year, I hate my stupid locker and how temperamental the lock is.
But most of all, I hate the fact that nobody talks to me outside of lesson - apart from the four girls that I came with at the start of the year. People will say hello to me in the corridor, or speak to me during lesson, but once that bell goes it's like I don't exist to them - nice, huh?
Maybe it's me, I'm shy as Hell and don't like making the effort with new people because I don't think that they want to talk to me.
So, I've applied to go to college next year. I want to carry on with my English and Psychology A Levels, but drop Photography and Chemistry and take up Textiles instead. College have said that I can go, and I may even be able to do all the Textiles AS and A Level in one year, so I won't even be a year behind everyone else!
The only thing that's holding me back, is what if I don't make any friends next year either? What if I go through my whole life always on the verge and never feeling like I belong ever again? It's only now that I've begun to realise just how much I felt at home in Year 11 - I've never been the new girl, and I went to the local secondary school. This year has been a huge upheaval for me, and I don't know if swapping will actually improve things at all.
So, my options?
- Stay where I am
- Go to college (keeping English and Psychology and taking up Textiles)
- Go to college and do a BTEC/re-start A Levels
- Get a job
I'm willing to take advice from just about anyone right now, so what do you guys think I should do?
And if you've only just realised how much of a loser I am, I'm sorry for any disillusions.